A Wrinkle in Time

Most people can look back at their lives and find points in time where a choice that they made in the split second changed the course of their lives forever. I know I can. But how many people can recognize those times right as they are happening? Probably not that many. I am one of those few people who can recognize those course-changing moments as they occur.

A little over a year ago I was working at 99X selling air time. We have these gatherings called Live X’s - where we have some current band on a promotional tour swing by the station and do a live acoustic set in front of a small group of listeners. The most famous recording of this can be found on the Weezer Blue album’s second CD called Dusty Gems and Rare Nuggets. There you can find a 99X Live X recording of Jamie. It is wonderful.

Anyway, about a year ago Athlete rolled into the studio to do a Live X and I attended. I really don’t remember much about the show, but towards the end I noticed a guy who I new ages ago. When I say ages, I mean literally ten years ago. I didn’t look very cute so I didn’t want my first impression on this guy after 10 years be a bad one. A work friend encouraged me to follow after him and say hello.

As he was leaving I chased him down the hallway and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around and I said, “Do you remember me?” and he did. We realized that he worked literally .25 miles (according to Map Quest) away from the station so we started going to lunch together and I hooked up with several other friends from my youth.

As we got to know each other again I learn of his band (which I really enjoyed) and I started working him into the 99X fabric as best I could. After about a week after our reunion I told a co-worker that meeting him again is one of those moments that would impact my life forever. I didn’t know how or to what extent but I knew. I also told his girlfriend, who I also grew up with that same thing a few days later.

Now it is a year later. I am no longer at the station but I was absolutely correct. When I went to see one of my classmate’s shows at Smith’s I saw a striking man in the audience. I had been going to shows for a long enough time that I knew everyone in the audience, except for this guy. I made a complete ass out of myself because I didn’t approach this stranger until I had a few too many drinks in me. A few weeks later my old friend asked me to come with him to see another show. I didn’t want to go but gave in eventually. Who was behind the drum kit of this other band? The same guy who I saw at Smith’s. This time we actually spoke and really hit it off. The rest is history.

Through this one person I also met his guitar player and his wife. My boyfriend (the striking man behind the drums) and I have grown very close to this couple. I know they are going to be our friends for life.

That one moment over a year ago – that one tap of the shoulder – that one split second in time lead me to my destiny. If I didn’t make that choice to put myself out there I would not be sitting next to the man of my dreams typing about this story. Crazy, eh?

If you aren’t tired of reading yet I have my second example of when I have placed a bookmark at a random point in time that really did turn out to be a life altering event.

Two or more years ago when I was at the station I was calling on Moe’s to see if I could get them to spend money on advertising. The person I was talking to seemed to be interviewing me. It was strange. At the end of our meeting he asked me if I wanted to interview to be their new PR Director. I told him I was happy where I was but I referred one of my closest friends. After leaving the meeting I called her right way. I told her that I was positive that this meeting had changed the course of both of our lives. I went back to the station and told a work friend and my manager the same thing. They thought I was nuts but I knew I was right. By the end of the week she had the job.

The story doesn’t end there. Nine months later I was unhappy at my current job. Moe’s reorganized and the people that she disliked where no longer there and instead they hired a dynamic woman who was amazing. Shortly after they expanded the marketing team and I was hired a few days later. As if that didn’t make my prediction true there is more. Nine months after I started the company got sold and I stand to make a large sum of money because I am a share holder. Need more proof? Well, I can’t share the rest of the great things this job has brought to my friend because it’s kind of under-wraps. But believe me it’s good.

Those two distinct moments in time just gave me the feeling that they were special and in both cases I was right. It’s a really great gift. I look forward to my next experience.

Why am I such a girl?

Don't really consider myself a girly girl. I mean I do wear makeup and dress up sometimes. I like shopping, but not as much as other girls I know. I am pretty open and honest in relationships and say what I mean. Then why in the world did I do the most classic girl move ever yesterday?

I was coming home from the airport and I was in the last gate at the C concourse. I had to wheel my luggage as well as carry a 50 pound shoulder bag with my laptop, work files, book, etc. After getting off of the train the escalator was broken. I wanted to get home as soon as possible so I huffed it up the one million steps carrying my wheelie bag and my 50 pound "brief case" (it's much cuter than a normal brief case). Next I walked about a half a mile to the parking lot and up 5 flights of steps to the top. I prepaid on foot and they didn't give me a receipt so accounting is going to give me hell come expense report time. Aggravated I then walked another quarter mile to my car and drove 20 miles home. Needless to say I was pooped and I was dreading the thought of parking in the parking deck and walking up the three flights of stairs I would need to to finally be at home. Did I mention it is 10:45 at this point? So far, not so girly.

I am getting off of the highway and I call my boyfriend to let him know I'll be home in 2 minutes and asked him to come down to let me in and help me carry my stuff in. He hesitates. I look at the clock. It is 10:50 and it registers that he is watching LOST (one of his favorite shows) and the last 10 minutes is always the best. So even though he doesn't say anything I jump in and say, "Don't worry about it. You're watching LOST. I'll just carry the stuff up myself." He says, "Ok baby. See you in a few minutes." I hang up without saying bye and find myself pissed. Why didn't he know that I really wanted him to come down and help me because I was exhausted and didn't even know if I could make it another step with all of my crap? I was actually mad at him. This is where I transform into a total girl.

Why did I say it was ok for him not to help when that is really wanted? Why did I feel mad at him for him just agreeing to my suggestion? Why when I am in the best relationship anyone could ever dream of am I pulling the petty, bullshit girl stuff? I was really bothered with myself. I should say what I mean and not hope that someone else will read my mind. I hate girls that do that stuff and that was exactly what I was doing

So, I huffed and puffed out of the parking garage, up three flights of steps, down the hallway, fumbled for me keys, opened the door and dropped all of my things on the floor at once. The next thing I did was walk straight to my boyfriend, gave him a smooch and apologized. When he asked what I was sorry for I explained what I did and told him I would just ask for what I needed instead of having him read my mind. He thought I was being weird and didn’t have a clue what I meant. He said, "Well, there's nothing to do about it now so just drop it." And drop it I did.

No matter who much you think you beat the stereotype sometimes I think you're just born with it. Girls will be girls.

Scared to Death

Most people who know me would think I was a pretty happy-go-lucky girl. I get hyper at times and I usually only socialize when I am in the mood - therefore putting my best face forward. One thing people probably do not know is that I am terrified of death.

This started recently, but I think that it is deeper rooted than I first thought. In college I had a boyfriend of three years and I lived with my best friend. I was always with someone - never alone. But whenever I was left alone, those rare times when both those people were out of town, I would panic. I would hyperventilate. I was terrified of being alone. I finally learned how to cope with that and I don't experience those feelings any longer. I actually lived alone for a period of time and loved it. But I think my fear of death is another example of my mind's ability to have illegitimate fear.

Now I am in the healthiest and happiest relationship of my life. I am certain I have found the person who I will spend the rest of my life with. But now all of a sudden I am afraid to die and I think it has to do with him. I think that I am finally as happy as a can possibly be and I am afraid to lose it. I have someone who means more to me than anything and the thought of losing it to something out of my control...such as death...freaks me out.

Also, I have recently been really rethinking my beliefs about God. I was raised Catholic and did that whole thing, including Catholic school, my whole life. Now I am beginning to think that I don't buy it. Christianity seems too simple. Too narrow. Too black and white. But to its credit, I was not afraid to die when I thought I knew where I am going. Now that I am not so sure what life is all about and where I am going when it is all over I find myself scared to die. I guess my biggest fear isn't actually death. My biggest fear is the fear of the unknown.

My boyfriend tries to tell me not to worry about what happens next. He believes that the grand scheme is so complex that our human minds cannot fathom what happens next. I need to take his advice to be more relaxed about it all.

I will admit, being scared of the afterlife has helped in certain ways. I am very conscious of my existence. I make sure that every contact I have with people I care about leave on a good note - just in case it is the last. I am always aware of the mark I want to leave on this Earth. Even if I am unsure about the future, I do know that life continues after I am gone and I can control my impact on that.

So maybe a little fear is good. Even though every time my boyfriend says I will love you forever I make him say - and the after life. Just in case he has a choice of whom he spends eternity with.